


Rising

by bubble_bobb



Series: In Love [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Feelings, Friends With Benefits, Gentle Sex, Hopeful Ending, I guess????, Kissing, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Secret Crush, Smut, a shit ton of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:47:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22323568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubble_bobb/pseuds/bubble_bobb
Summary: Here he is again.He promised himself not to hurt himself like this anymore but he can't deny the love of his life.
Relationships: Choi San/Kim Hongjoong
Series: In Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604806
Comments: 1
Kudos: 70





	Rising

**Author's Note:**

> Hello  
> I'm finally here with the 2nd part  
> Hope you enjoy  
> Idk if there are any errors but i hope not  
> Let me know what you liked and what now in the comments or by leaving kudos, both is very much appreciated ❤  
> Have a good day/night and byeeee

Here he is again.

It's been at least four months since he last visited Hongjoong's apartment and he was slowly beginning to forget where different rooms and furniture were. 

But that's not what he should be focusing on right now.

He should focus on the words spilling from Hongjoong's mouth because he might ask him something that he should answer.

His mind is hazy and clouded with lust and want but he is still able to separate his needs from basic understanding.

He missed Hongjoong. 

He missed him and his touches and words.

He missed everything and he hates himself for it.

He said he would meet him the next day after their last hook up but he couldn't. He couldn't face the man who was hurting him so badly it was making him cry and didn't even know about it. 

He couldn't bring himself to go and meet him. Hurt himself even more than he is already.

"You looks so good today."

Hongjoong murmurs against the younger's neck and San whimpers, his fingers tangling in the older man's shirt. He slides his hands down to the hem of Hongjoong's shirt, trying to pull it over his head.

"You dyed your hair."

San comments when he finally gets the chance to, hooded eyes staring at Hongjoong when he finally manages to take off his shirt. The older laughs.

"So did you."

He says, his fingers running through the soft black locks the younger now owns. San's eyes then wander around Hongjoong's apartment, taking in the things he forgot about before setting back on Hongjoong's figure.

He's then pulled off the wall and dragged into a room, Hongjoong's bedroom, San assumes thanks to the decorations.

He's gently sat on the bed and to be honest, he loves when Hongjoong is this nice to him like that. 

He loves how he can go from rough and needy to sweet and gentle in the blink of an eye.

"Sannie..."

Hongjoong whispers, crawling on top of the younger before leaning down to claim his lips. The kiss is soft, slow and almost romantic. San hates the fact that he thinks like this.

He should accept that Hongjoong doesn't feel anything towards him and that he is just a stress reliever. 

No, Hongjoong would never do that to him.

"Are you okay?"

The older asks after he pulls back, frowning at San, looking confused. The younger quickly nods, already missing the feeling of Hongjoong's lips against his.

The older begins undressing him from his jeans, San's shirt long gone just like Hongjoong's.

The cold air of the older's room then hits San's heated skin and he hisses, his hips raising a little. Hongjoong smiles, leaning down to kiss down his neck and lower. 

San's breath stutters, the coldness of Hongjoong's lips against his stomach feeling oddly good.

His hands find their way into Hongjoong's hair, running his fingers through them softly.

He wishes he could say what he is thinking about.

He wishes he could say 'I love you' right now and hear those three words back from Hongjoong before he moves on to further doings but he knows he can't.

He has to keep those to himself and never let them slip out in front of Hongjoong. Ever.

Hongjoong pulls down his pants and underwear completely, making the younger shiver. San then gets the sudden urge to cover up. 

He doesn't know why, Hongjoong has seen him naked way too many times to count so why now?

He doesn't answer himself, only brings his hands down to his exposed body, trying his best to cover himself with his palms and fingers.

"No no..."

Hongjoong whispers, frowning. He pulls San's hands aways gently, caressing his skin with his palms. 

San sighs shakily, his legs already quivering and they barely started.

Hongjoong pulls his hands back, lifting San's leg to get better access. San whimpers when he feels Hongjoong press a wet kiss to his inner thigh, his hands finding their way to his hair again.

He lets his head roll back, staring up at the boring white ceiling. 

He knows why Hongjoong is doing this. If the older was very stressed he would take his time so he didn't have to think about the things he didn't want to.

He hisses when Hongjoong bites down a little too roughly, tugging his hair slightly. The older looks up, letting go of his leg and instead coming closer to his face.

"Sorry."

He breathes out, closing the gap between them. San's eyes flutter shut, arms wrapping around Hongjoong's neck. 

He wants to stay like this forever.

He wants to have Hongjoong by his side at all times.

He wants to feel loved.

Hongjoong soon pulls back, undoing his pants to pull them down and throw them on the floor.

He seems unusually eager.

"Hyung."

Hongjoong looks up, eyes a little wider. San sits up the best he can, holding Hongjoong's face in his hands.

The older's eyes soften and he smiles at San, leaning in to peck his lips. He pulls away momentarily to take the small bottle of lube from his nightstand and pull out a box of condoms out of one of the drawers.

He walks back, dropping the items next to San's naked body.

"Can I do it?"

San asks shakily, taking the bottled liquid in his hand. Hongjoong quickly nods, kneeling on the bed. San uncaps the bottle, pouring the liquid on his hand before bringing it down to his entrance.

He circles his finger around his hole, whimpering at the feeling. 

He sees Hongjoong shiver at the sight, the erection in his boxers growing bigger. San blushes, slowly pushing one finger in to finally have what he's been craving ever since they got here.

He moans, catching his bottom lip between his teeth right after. He frowns a little. It feels good, don't get him wrong, but the way Hongjoong is looking at him is making his stomach turn again.

This stare that Hongjoong saved for him when they were in situations like this always made him weak. And tonight is no exception.

The second finger goes in easily, stretching San open more and more. His mouth opens in a soundless whine, his body shaking.

The feeling makes his toes curl and legs lift into the air a little. But he still feels empty, he needs to feel Hongjoong's hands on him, immediately.

He shifts his eyes to look into Hongjoong's, whining through gritted teeth.

The older leans closer, one hand sliding up and down San's side, making him smile. 

When he pushes in the third finger his eyebrows furrow, knowing his fingers aren't long enough to bring him the pleasure he is so desperately looking for.

His eyes are screaming and he knows Hongjoong can tell what he wants to say, even without actually saying it.

The older pulls his hand away, replacing San's fingers with his own. San hums in pleasure, his hand gripping Hongjoong's wrist. 

He thinks it's sort of gross that he is wrapping his dirty fingers around Hongjoong's wrist like that but the thought soon leaves his mind, being replaced with the bliss Hongjoong is giving him.

"Hyung."

San pants, trying to pull Hongjoong's fingers out but being too weak to do so. The older smiles at him, leaning down to press their lips together. San frowns, accepting the kiss.

He tries to wiggle his hips to make Hongjoong stop but it only makes him moan into Hongjoong's mouth.

The older is pressing just where San wants him to and he would be stupid if he told him to stop, but at the same time the need to feel the older inside of him is still there.

He wants to tell Hongjoong to let him save his orgasm for later but before he can even pull away from the older's bruising kiss, he is coming all over his stomach, breathy moans escaping his lips.

He curses, arching his back when the older pulls his fingers out of him. He looks at him with hooded eyes, his chest heaving.

"Hyung?"

San speaks up, his voice coming out in a whisper. Hongjoong chuckles.

"Yeah?"

"Can you, fuck me now?"

The younger asks, bringing his knees higher up to his chest. 

Shyness or embarrassment was never a big deal for San. 

He was usually very vocal about the things he wanted, even if some people considered them embarrassing to be said out loud.

Hongjoong shakes his head with a smile, shifting so he can hover over San. The younger stares up at him with hopeful but tired eyes, black hair sticking to his forehead.

"You never have enough, do you?"

Hongjoong asks, clearly not thinking about the things he is saying. San's eyes flutter close, his cock twitching because of those words.

He shakes his head, goosebumps covering his whole body when Hongjoong traces the subtle curves of his sides and hips with the tips of his fingers.

"Please..."

He whispers, his hands letting go of his thighs to hold onto Hongjoong's shoulders. He spreads his legs wider apart, welcoming the older in while pulling him down into a needy kiss.

This is the only time he can show his feelings without actually saying them. He isn't going to miss out on that.

Hongjoong pushes down his boxers, letting his dick finally spring free. He reaches for the condoms, ripping one open before rolling it on. San gasps when he feels Hongjoong push in, giggling at the tingling in his lower stomach.

Hongjoong was usually rough. His moves were controlled and rough and San liked it. He was used to it and he was never expecting anything else.

But tonight it different.

After slowly grinding against San to make sure he can properly move he doesn't speed up like he usually would.

He keeps his pace slow and very vanilla compared to their previous hook ups and meetings.

San arches his back off the bed, feeling his walls opening up thanks to the older rocking into him so slowly. He moans lowly, fingers tangling in Hongjoong's hair.

Hongjoong brings one hand to San's waist, getting something better to hold on to, the other hand now next to the younger's head. San hums in pleasure, wrapping his legs around Hongjoong's hips. He brings him closer, making him go even deeper. 

His mouth curls up into a smile, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

To be honest, he liked this Hongjoong too.

He never knew that he would like it vanilla but turns out Hongjoong can make him like anything.

Hongjoong leans in for another kiss, ghosting his lips over San's at first before leaning in fully.

It's slow and romantic in a way, again.

The younger wishes he could put a label to their relationship but every day it gets more and more difficult to do.

One day Hongjoong seems like he could feel something towards him but then another day he seems just as uninterested in him as before.

It confuses San. He wants Hongjoong to tell him he likes him, maybe even loves him. He just wants to feel warm and fuzzy just like when Wooyoung and Mingi described what love feels like.

"Sannie...."

Hongjoong groans, snapping San back into reality. The younger hisses, his dick already aching to release again. 

He looks at Hongjoong, nodding his head.

Hongjoong then picks up his pace, making San hum happily, the usual sensation coming back to him.

It's not long after that they finish, each other's names rolling off their tongues like prayers.

Hongjoong holds himself up on his shaking arms, pulling out before collapsing next to San, breathing heavily. 

San turns his head to look at him and even now, he looks utterly beautiful. 

Sometimes he thought that his feelings were too much and that he just saw Hongjoong as someone so perfect and amazing that there was no way they could do any harm but then he realized that all those things are true.

Hongjoong is perfect and he would never intentionally hurt someone.

Yes, San is hurting because of him but he doesn't know that.

This whole "Friends with benefits" thing was his idea anyway. 

They stay in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, the only sound in the room being their heavy breathing bouncing off the walls.

"I think I should go..."

San announces after a while, tears pooling up in his eyes when he realizes that this is going to happen again in the near future. He doesn't want it to but he is too weak and head over heels in love to deny Hongjoong anything at this point. 

He shakily gets up, his body very obviously sore. 

He yelps when he's pulled backwards, falling back onto the soft bed, hissing painfully.

He looks over at Hongjoong and then at the hand that's holding his wrist firmly. He locks eyes with the older, his own eyes shining from the mix of emotions that he is currently feeling.

"Don't go yet."

Hongjoong says a little hesitantly but still softly and San shivers. 

Is he dreaming? Is he hallucinating?

"Please?"

Hongjoong adds to his previous sentence, making San snap out of his head again. 

He isn't. This is real. 

He slowly nods, his face still looking emotionless. He lays down next to Hongjoong, shifting closer to feel the warmth Hongjoong can provide him with. The older strokes his cheek, slowly leaning closer to press their lips together.

San's eyes flutter close and he sighs into Hongjoong's mouth, his own hands coming up to wrap around Hongjoong's neck, thumbs pressing up into his jaw gently.

Does this mean that, the feeling is mutual?

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on Twitter? (@ateezlvruwu)


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